Leon for sale: $2,99!

Election's over: winner takes it all. Thanks for the 299 votes: all of you who voted for me. I got more than I bargained for: two, ninety nine! Now I need a coffee:

Creative Cabaret gig

The hopeful mayor hopeful

The amazing walking house

For those of you not convinced yet... enter the WALKING HOUSE. It is a modular dwelling system that enables persons to live a peaceful nomadic life, moving slowly through the landscape or cityscape with minimal impact on the environment. It collects energy from its surroundings using solar cells and small windmills. There is a system for collecting rain water and a system for solar heated hot water. A small greenhouse unit can be added to the basic living module, to provide a substantial part of the food needed by the Inhabitants. A composting toilet system allows sewage produced by the inhabitants to be disposed of. The walking house is not dependant on existing infrastructure like roads, but moves on all sorts of terrain.

As the election day is nigh, I hope you start taking this comedian seriously and vote for me! I would implement projects such as this one -- I'll end aberrations like "Project Civil City" and start measures to stall the government's control of its mutant citizens. (What better way than nail them into an SRO?)

www.n55.dk

Campaigning

Not in Vancouver

"Today the fear of taking risks is creating a society that celebrates victimhood rather than heroism... the virtues held up to be followed are passivity rather than boldness." -- Utne Reader

In the media

Ladner leads after cabaret chaos
"Sporting a red nose, mayoral candidate Leon Kaplan presented a comedy routine (at least I think that's what it was) leading to silence so profound that he commented, "My mom thinks I'm funny. She's probably the only one who'll vote for me." Jamie Lee Hamilton (running for park board) was equally lame." --Peter Birnie, Vancouver Sun

Candidates enter stage right
"(...) Or they could tell jokes, which is what Leon Kaplan will do. An immigrant from Rio de Janeiro, Kaplan heads up the self-styled Immigrant Party. 'It's more of a project of a party,' he said. The improv comedian promises absurdist humour. 'I'm like the Rhino [Party] candidate,' said Kaplan. '[My jokes] aren't too objective, it's cracking jokes about everybody. Like a rotating machine-gun.' The chance to crack wise about local politics is probably a better forum for his talents than a debate on the issues. "Yeah, because I am beyond issues," said Kaplan. 'Issues are a thing of the past.'" --Sean Conner, Vancouver Courier

A wide variety of choices for mayor
(...) The bookstore owner and comedian’s platform includes raising beer prices at GM Place, iPods for every citizen and turning libraries into Masonic lodges." --Maria Cootauco, Metro News

Vancouver mayoral hopefuls take part in questionable talent show
"Leon Kaplan's stand-up bit was fairly amusing, as he explained that he would split the right-wing vote with his plan to take tasers away from the cops—and give them to the Downtown Ambassadors." --Jessica Wirb, Georgia Straight

My Creative City Cabaret Time-Delayed Live Blog
"Now, Leon Kaplan. Independent. His mom thinks he’s funny and will be the only one voting for him. Ha! He’s got an out-RAG-eous French accent. He also thinks we should take tasers away from cops and give them to street ambassadors. He’s got a nice clown nose, and he’s going to bottle Vancouver [tap] water. Moderator cut him short but he was doing very fine. Someone asked him a question: Is this your first time running for mayor? Answer: Yes, and thank you for giving me a chance to finish my act." --Travis Smith, Unvarnished www.hopstudios.com

Shaw slams Langara for barring Work Less from mayoral debate
"A Work Less Party city council candidate is lashing out at Langara College for its decision to exclude the slate’s mayoral candidate, Betty Krawczyk, from a debate on Wednesday.(...) The Straight pointed out that the public could ask her and other candidates such questions if they were allowed in the debate. “So should candidate Leon Kaplan,” Berner retorted. “He’s as legitimate a candidate as Betty. He’s paid his $100 and he’s filed. (...) Further explaining the college’s decision, Berner said, 'Democracy is a flawed jewel. It’s not perfect, but I guess if we had 12 hours, I don’t know how we’d film that. It would be unwieldy; it can’t be done.'" --Matthew Burrows, Georgia Straight

Life without Frank

Frank magazine, the satirical scandal sheet that for nearly two decades savaged the reputations of some of Canada's most powerful politicians, celebrities and media figures, has stopped running. Many of those who had been written about or "Franked," threatened lawsuits, and many issues toward the end of Michael Bate's ownership contained printed apologies as a means to warding off the expense of lawyers' fees.

Other signs of humourless times
Now they've axed MadTV! The show's final episode is scheduled to air in May. "We're proud of what we've accomplished, we're appreciative of what Fox has done and we don't think it should be over yet," Producer D. Salzman said. What else? And brilliant sitcom/reality TV show Trailer Park Boys got unplugged as well this season. Aaaaaaaarrrgh.

Canine's favourite candidate

Hi, I am Leon Kaplan and currently own Devout Books, doubling as my mayorship campaign headquarters. On certain nights I perform stand up comedy at pubs or wherever I can get a gig. I was born in Rio de Janeiro, raised in a secular Jewish Family in Brazil and in 2007 founded the Immigrant Party. Like a pill in dog-food, humour sometimes is the only way to convey a serious message. Will my opponents will try to use unseemly tactics against me? Can a comedian run a public office? Yes we can!

G-d bless you all and may G-d bless the City of Vancouver!

Be afraid, be very afraid!

Debates I crashed

Vancouver Real Estate Board debate (AKA: what's the new rental loophole?)
It actually included ALL mayors! Too bad the content of the brown envelope given to candidates after the debate was just a "thank you" note. (I was expecting to practice as a mayor)

AMSSA Immigrant Debate (AKA: we're all equal, but some mayors are more equal than others)
The mayoral debate at the Library hosted by CJC, S.U.C.C.E.S.S., the Vancouver Multicultural Society & AMSSA featured only the famous two bike-riding moderate white businessmen.

Decison 2008 (AKA: we take the comedian seriously)
Airing November 9th, 1:30pm. Shaw Cable lost my original footage and after playing phone tag for a week, I finally crashed at their studios to have my 2-minute candidate retaped.

The Langara Dialogues (AKA: the Langara Monologues)
David Berner enjoyed the usual suspects company. I didn't dare to crash this one.

Get Your Vote On (AKA: speed dating with arranged marriages)
@Biltmore Cabaret. The student organization organized this fun event made to promote the politicians they favour.

Arts Alliance debate (AKA: an artist representing us? Eeeeew)
@Granville Island. I didn't crash this one because my ex-wife organized it!!!

Church & state

We're learning with the U.S. as far as the illusion of social inclusion and democratic participation is concerned. Are Peter McCain and Gregor Obama the only ones running for mayor/president?

Thinking and living outside the box

Homelessness is not a housing issue. There'll always be houses. It's just that most low-income people can't afford rent. However, the meltdown is bringing us a unique opportunity to shift paradigms: let's learn with the First Nations, third-world people and Buckminster Fuller: Simple-living is the way to go. As the world financial houses collapse around us, it will be the homeless who will outlast the best because they learned to be survivalists.

Out top-down current housing models are okay as a make-work scheme. The cost-benefit is ludicrous: $200,000.00 per capita to allow a homeless to endure month-to-month Draculean contract and a life of regimented despair and bed bugs? The less fortunate need dignity. Let's give them wireless laptops, so they can cross the digital divide once and for all. Let's provide them with prefab units on wheels and liveaboard floating devices. Electric outlets & shower opportunities and honey wagons should be placed all over the city/BC. Let's change legislation so homeless can have driver's licenses/insurance/and vote without a 'brick&mortar' address; so they can park in empty lots-cum-trailerparks, or moor their boats wherever they see fit.

The digital nomad is the new man.

Land of the Dead benefit

The digital nomad

"So, where do you call home?" Someone always asked me during those on-the-street encounters around my RV. "Where do you actually LIVE?"
"In the Internet," I'd answer, usually receiving a blank look in response. "You know... my home is the Net. Once you move to the Internet, your physical location becomes irrelevant."
By this time, the average questioner is squirming uncomfortably, unsure whether I am some kind of nutcase. I can almost hear him: "What's this freak trying to tell me? To give up my Jaccuzzi?"

Our world is increasingly opened up by wireless communication breakthroughs. Last year, in my mid-life crisis, I thought, 'My God, I'm lost and there's no hope!' But it wasn't that bad; it was more like, 'I'm lost but this may be a good thing because there is maybe a change that I have to make.' So, I shrunk my housing back down into manageable proportions. Living in a van is a hoot. Mobility satisfies your tangible needs. Being capable of becoming physically rootless but wired into your electronic "home" in the Internet changes our basic constructs: adjacencies, accessibility, attachment to the grid, boundaries between work and home. All these liberating, fascinating and terrifying concepts are being challenged by our current mortgage crisis! If elected I'll put a motion to allow vans & RVs to park in empty parking lots, behind churches, community centres and back alleys.

Ask Leon!

The cure for anything is salt water

My friend used to say, "Leon, it takes one like you to degentrify an entire neighbourhood." He wasn't completely wrong. Just ask anyone in Yorkville or Kits.

Before you jump into the fray with more street-smart bravado about Victoria's tents-in-parks judge ruling precedent, I'd like you to reflect on how there's more dignity to living aboard than to be in a tent or a room. Liveaboards practice a cooperative, sustainable lifestyle. I guess that's why they had to go! (Watersquatters, Thinking and Living Outisde the Box is available at DEVOUT BOOKS).

Ask Leon!

watersquatters.blogspot.com
waterworld at youtube

BC's new currency: iTap

This is my suggestion for investors: instead of buying gold, pile up Vancouver bottled tap water, more exactly "iTap" -- available at DEVOUT, 6 E. Cordova. We're currently selling them as campaign contributions for $10 each (hey, I predict this WILL be the price of bottled water in 2015).

PS -- DTES residents, mostly, do not consume bottled water, they can't afford it. However, they supplement their income recycling PET bottles.

Ask Leon!

Because we need more horny Jewish males pulling the strings!

Please read my platform and if you support my goals send us money to help with the campaign!
My motto is: Be afraid, be very afraid. We're afraid of the upcoming civilization economic/ecological collapse! We're afraid of each other; we're afraid of our sexuality; we're afraid of being afraid! I urgently advocate people to bring up their clown chakra. Let's take ourselves less seriously?

Ask Leon!

Siverman gone Obama

Buy my shitpile!

The biggest robbery in the history of this country is taking place as you read this. Though no guns are being used, 300 million hostages are being taken. Make no mistake about it: After stealing a half trillion dollars to line the pockets of their war-profiteering backers for the past five years, after lining the pockets of their fellow oilmen to the tune of over a hundred billion dollars in just the last two years, Bush and his cronies -- who must soon vacate the White House -- are looting the U.S. Treasury of every dollar they can grab. They are swiping as much of the silverware as they can on their way out the door.

Michael Moore

The belly of the mayor

Repent sinner!

Joe Eszterhas, who wrote “Basic Instinct” and “Showgirls,” is a new man, born again of the Holy Spirit. He gives his testimony at Newsweek’s On Faith religion site:

"Why did God save the life of a man who had trashed, lampooned, and marginalized Him most of his life? Why did He take the time and the trouble to save me? It certainly wasn’t because I had written Basic Instinct and Showgirls, right? Was it because my wife and I had four little boys we were trying to raise? Possibly. Or was it God’s divinely impish sense of humor? Well . . . and then all of the things God said would happen . . . did. My life has turned inside-out. I have stopped my excesses and replaced them with prayer and long walks. I am carrying the cross as often as they’ll let me at Holy Angels Church in Bainbridge Township, Ohio."

Ask Leon!

California got it

Was Tchaikovsky poisoned?

Tchaikovsky was one of the first postmodern composers. His infamous "1812 Overture" pasted sound collages, cannon explosions...

Tchaikovsky died in St. Petersburg on November 6, 1893, nine days after the premiere of his Sixth Symphony, the Pathétique. His death has traditionally been attributed to cholera, contracted through drinking contaminated water several days earlier. However, some have theorized that his death was a suicide because he was outed. Homosexuality was no longer a stigma in Tsarist Russia, but was accepted at the highest levels of public life. At worst, Tchaikovsky might have gone into exile, like Oscar Wilde. The question remains by musicologists and researchers...

New Gates & Seinfeld ad

These ads have been referred to as "icebreakers." Gates has been wisely cast as Seinfeld's straight man. In this installment, it drags on for too long, and still fails to get to the point. There remains no mention of product, and scant reference to Microsoft at all. Additionally, the juxtaposition of the two rich men against the "real world" continues to make them look like haplessly ignorant aristocrats.

Hockey moms vs. Soccer moms

Sarah Palin proudly described herself as a "hockey mom" in her speech to the Republican National Convention Wednesday night. How do hockey moms compare with soccer moms? They probably have to pay a good deal more to get their kids on the ice; They may also have to wake up earlier, too; because ice time is limited, many teams are forced to have practice hours before school starts. Hockey partisans on the Internet also claim that hockey moms are a bit more intense than their soccer counterparts, both in terms of the commitments they make to the sport and the intensity with which they cheer their kids. Partially as a result, USA Hockey has spearheaded a "Relax, It's Just a Game" campaign to try to get parents to calm down.

Bike theft etiquette

Five years ago, when I had my bike pilfered on Queen street (Toronto) I knew exactly where to go to get it back: Igor's Bicycle clinic. I correctly assumed the crackhead made a beeline to one of Igor's 10 garages. I paid a hefty $40 fee and retrieved it. Igor was loved and hated in the neighbourhood. Yes, he did buy stolen bikes; but he also fixed your bikes at no cost. The eccentric Slavic Robin Hood was famous for his appetite for bikes and food. I still laugh to myself remembering the horror expression stamped on the "all-you-can-eat" Chinese restaurant owner every time we walked in.

We're gonna miss the philosopher bike theft king, finally nailed by cops, who waited 20 years to get him--although they knew of his activities.

http://www.nytimes.com

Trimble Park

Our doom is nigh

(...) there is just a thin veneer of civilization on our society. You take your average urbanite or suburbanite and get him excessively cold, wet, tired, hungry and/or thirsty and take away his television, beer, drugs, and other pacifiers, and you will soon seen the savage within. Put yourself in the mind set of Mr. Joe Sixpack, Suburbanite. He is unprepared. He has less than one week’s food on hand, he has a 12 gauge pump action shotgun that he hasn’t fired in years, and just half a tank of gas in his minivan and maybe a gallon or two in a can that he keeps on hand for his lawn mower. Then the (planned) "Meltdown" hits. The power grid is down, his job is history, the toilet doesn't flush, and water no longer magically comes cascading from the tap. There are riots beginning in his city. Now he is suddenly desperate. Once the Golden Horde has been thinned (and honed to ferocity) and they’ve cleaned out an area, the thugs at the pinnacle of ruthlessness will comprise the most formidable rover packs imaginable. They will move on to an adjoining region, and then another. Here are your potential adversaries: A squad to company size force (12 to 60 individuals), highly mobile, moderately well armed with a motley assortment of weapons and vehicles, and imbued with absolute ruthlessness. Be afraid... www.survivalblog.com

My book "I Married a Terrorist", available at Devout Books [6 E. Cordova], is a humourous blueprint for survivalism and nomadism.

War of my dreams

1. The Georgians started it.
2. They lost.
3. What a beautiful little war!

Found this real cool Georgian war analysis by the "war nerd" on the net:
exiledonline.com/