Monday, February 9, 2009

Will ya stop talking about funerals?!!

I can't believe how society deals with the sick & destitute -- first they try to lock you up in hospices (places to die soon); then they keep making these creeping arrangements for funerals BEHIND MY BACK!

Hey folks I'm alive, ok? Face it! I'm in real bad shape, but, still keep on truckin!

Vultures of the world, religion industry and cancer industry leaches, leave me alone! I love being at home and that's where I want to be!!! (or travelling whenver possible)

Let's live a day a a time, always enjoying the sun, friends' love & all that is around!

Keep all the morbid talk to yourselves you doomers!

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Reactions to Gaza

What does this bigot have against juice anyway? I love my Sunkist in the morning ...

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Happy Xmas!

Man in Santa suit kills at least 6 at holiday party. The rampage began shortly before 11:30 p.m. Wednesday when Pardo, dressed as Santa Claus, approached the front door of his ex-wife's parents' home with a large, wrapped package. Inside the two-story home at the end of a quiet cul-de-sac, his ex-wife, her parents and about two dozen others were enjoying their annual holiday party. An 8-year-old girl ran to answer his knock. When the door swung open, Pardo shot her in the face with a semiautomatic handgun, stepped into the house and opened fire on the revelers. Amid the chaos, he doused the house with a flammable liquid contained in the package -- a pressurized fuel tank, about 2 1/2 feet tall. Partygoers fled in panic as the house went up in flames. They ran to neighbors' homes and frantically called 911. A young woman leaped from a second-floor window, breaking her ankle.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Wanna ride with me?

The recently wrecked Whistler Excalibur gondola is built by the same company who recently finished constructing the record-breaking Peak2Peak gondola...


Ride Time
approximately 11 min.
Total Distance
4.4km/2.73miles (straight line)
Length of Unsupported Span
3.024km/1.88 miles (straight line between the two towers that are furthest apart)
Highest Point
above the ground is 436m/1427 feet over Fitzsimmons Creek
Capacity of Cabins
22 seated, 6 standing
Haul Rope
the single rope that pulls the cars along the track ropes is 46mm in diameter. Total length of the haul rope loop with the sag is 8850m

Monday, November 24, 2008

Lost in Translation II

Michael Jackson converts to Islam?

The former king of pop is certainly known for his physical transformations, but a spiritual conversion? An Imam was summoned from the mosque and Michael went through the Muslim declaration of belief. "Mikaeel" is his new name. Brit singer Yousef Islam, 60 — who was called Cat Stevens until he famously converted — turned up to help Jacko celebrate.

Monday, November 17, 2008

Leon for sale: $2,99!

Election's over: winner takes it all. Thanks for the 299 votes: all of you who voted for me. I got more than I bargained for: two, ninety nine! Now I need a coffee:

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Friday, November 14, 2008

Thursday, November 13, 2008

The amazing walking house

For those of you not convinced yet... enter the WALKING HOUSE. It is a modular dwelling system that enables persons to live a peaceful nomadic life, moving slowly through the landscape or cityscape with minimal impact on the environment. It collects energy from its surroundings using solar cells and small windmills. There is a system for collecting rain water and a system for solar heated hot water. A small greenhouse unit can be added to the basic living module, to provide a substantial part of the food needed by the Inhabitants. A composting toilet system allows sewage produced by the inhabitants to be disposed of. The walking house is not dependant on existing infrastructure like roads, but moves on all sorts of terrain.

As the election day is nigh, I hope you start taking this comedian seriously and vote for me! I would implement projects such as this one -- I'll end aberrations like "Project Civil City" and start measures to stall the government's control of its mutant citizens. (What better way than nail them into an SRO?)

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Monday, November 10, 2008

Not in Vancouver

"Today the fear of taking risks is creating a society that celebrates victimhood rather than heroism... the virtues held up to be followed are passivity rather than boldness." -- Utne Reader

Saturday, November 8, 2008

In the media

Ladner leads after cabaret chaos
"Sporting a red nose, mayoral candidate Leon Kaplan presented a comedy routine (at least I think that's what it was) leading to silence so profound that he commented, "My mom thinks I'm funny. She's probably the only one who'll vote for me." Jamie Lee Hamilton (running for park board) was equally lame." --Peter Birnie, Vancouver Sun

Candidates enter stage right
"(...) Or they could tell jokes, which is what Leon Kaplan will do. An immigrant from Rio de Janeiro, Kaplan heads up the self-styled Immigrant Party. 'It's more of a project of a party,' he said. The improv comedian promises absurdist humour. 'I'm like the Rhino [Party] candidate,' said Kaplan. '[My jokes] aren't too objective, it's cracking jokes about everybody. Like a rotating machine-gun.' The chance to crack wise about local politics is probably a better forum for his talents than a debate on the issues. "Yeah, because I am beyond issues," said Kaplan. 'Issues are a thing of the past.'" --Sean Conner, Vancouver Courier

A wide variety of choices for mayor
(...) The bookstore owner and comedian’s platform includes raising beer prices at GM Place, iPods for every citizen and turning libraries into Masonic lodges." --Maria Cootauco, Metro News

Vancouver mayoral hopefuls take part in questionable talent show
"Leon Kaplan's stand-up bit was fairly amusing, as he explained that he would split the right-wing vote with his plan to take tasers away from the cops—and give them to the Downtown Ambassadors." --Jessica Wirb, Georgia Straight

My Creative City Cabaret Time-Delayed Live Blog

"Now, Leon Kaplan. Independent. His mom thinks he’s funny and will be the only one voting for him. Ha! He’s got an out-RAG-eous French accent. He also thinks we should take tasers away from cops and give them to street ambassadors. He’s got a nice clown nose, and he’s going to bottle Vancouver [tap] water. Moderator cut him short but he was doing very fine. Someone asked him a question: Is this your first time running for mayor? Answer: Yes, and thank you for giving me a chance to finish my act." --Travis Smith, Unvarnished

Shaw slams Langara for barring Work Less from mayoral debate
"A Work Less Party city council candidate is lashing out at Langara College for its decision to exclude the slate’s mayoral candidate, Betty Krawczyk, from a debate on Wednesday.(...) The Straight pointed out that the public could ask her and other candidates such questions if they were allowed in the debate. “So should candidate Leon Kaplan,” Berner retorted. “He’s as legitimate a candidate as Betty. He’s paid his $100 and he’s filed. (...) Further explaining the college’s decision, Berner said, 'Democracy is a flawed jewel. It’s not perfect, but I guess if we had 12 hours, I don’t know how we’d film that. It would be unwieldy; it can’t be done.'" --Matthew Burrows, Georgia Straight

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Life without Frank

Frank magazine, the satirical scandal sheet that for nearly two decades savaged the reputations of some of Canada's most powerful politicians, celebrities and media figures, has stopped running. Many of those who had been written about or "Franked," threatened lawsuits, and many issues toward the end of Michael Bate's ownership contained printed apologies as a means to warding off the expense of lawyers' fees.

Other signs of humourless times
Now they've axed MadTV! The show's final episode is scheduled to air in May. "We're proud of what we've accomplished, we're appreciative of what Fox has done and we don't think it should be over yet," Producer D. Salzman said. What else? And brilliant sitcom/reality TV show Trailer Park Boys got unplugged as well this season. Aaaaaaaarrrgh.

Saturday, November 1, 2008

Canine's favourite candidate

Hi, I am Leon Kaplan and currently own Devout Books, doubling as my mayorship campaign headquarters. On certain nights I perform stand up comedy at pubs or wherever I can get a gig. I was born in Rio de Janeiro, raised in a secular Jewish Family in Brazil and in 2007 founded the Immigrant Party. Like a pill in dog-food, humour sometimes is the only way to convey a serious message. Will my opponents will try to use unseemly tactics against me? Can a comedian run a public office? Yes we can!

G-d bless you all and may G-d bless the City of Vancouver!

Friday, October 31, 2008

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Debates I crashed

Vancouver Real Estate Board debate (AKA: what's the new rental loophole?)
It actually included ALL mayors! Too bad the content of the brown envelope given to candidates after the debate was just a "thank you" note. (I was expecting to practice as a mayor)

AMSSA Immigrant Debate (AKA: we're all equal, but some mayors are more equal than others)
The mayoral debate at the Library hosted by CJC, S.U.C.C.E.S.S., the Vancouver Multicultural Society & AMSSA featured only the famous two bike-riding moderate white businessmen.

Decison 2008 (AKA: we take the comedian seriously)
Airing November 9th, 1:30pm. Shaw Cable lost my original footage and after playing phone tag for a week, I finally crashed at their studios to have my 2-minute candidate retaped.

The Langara Dialogues (AKA: the Langara Monologues)
David Berner enjoyed the usual suspects company. I didn't dare to crash this one.

Get Your Vote On (AKA: speed dating with arranged marriages)
@Biltmore Cabaret. The student organization organized this fun event made to promote the politicians they favour.

Arts Alliance debate (AKA: an artist representing us? Eeeeew)
@Granville Island. I didn't crash this one because my ex-wife organized it!!!

Church & state

We're learning with the U.S. as far as the illusion of social inclusion and democratic participation is concerned. Are Peter McCain and Gregor Obama the only ones running for mayor/president?

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Thinking and living outside the box

Homelessness is not a housing issue. There'll always be houses. It's just that most low-income people can't afford rent. However, the meltdown is bringing us a unique opportunity to shift paradigms: let's learn with the First Nations, third-world people and Buckminster Fuller: Simple-living is the way to go. As the world financial houses collapse around us, it will be the homeless who will outlast the best because they learned to be survivalists.

Out top-down current housing models are okay as a make-work scheme. The cost-benefit is ludicrous: $200,000.00 per capita to allow a homeless to endure month-to-month Draculean contract and a life of regimented despair and bed bugs? The less fortunate need dignity. Let's give them wireless laptops, so they can cross the digital divide once and for all. Let's provide them with prefab units on wheels and liveaboard floating devices. Electric outlets & shower opportunities and honey wagons should be placed all over the city/BC. Let's change legislation so homeless can have driver's licenses/insurance/and vote without a 'brick&mortar' address; so they can park in empty lots-cum-trailerparks, or moor their boats wherever they see fit.

The digital nomad is the new man.

Friday, October 17, 2008

Land of the Dead benefit

The digital nomad

"So, where do you call home?" Someone always asked me during those on-the-street encounters around my RV. "Where do you actually LIVE?"
"In the Internet," I'd answer, usually receiving a blank look in response. "You know... my home is the Net. Once you move to the Internet, your physical location becomes irrelevant."
By this time, the average questioner is squirming uncomfortably, unsure whether I am some kind of nutcase. I can almost hear him: "What's this freak trying to tell me? To give up my Jaccuzzi?"

Our world is increasingly opened up by wireless communication breakthroughs. Last year, in my mid-life crisis, I thought, 'My God, I'm lost and there's no hope!' But it wasn't that bad; it was more like, 'I'm lost but this may be a good thing because there is maybe a change that I have to make.' So, I shrunk my housing back down into manageable proportions. Living in a van is a hoot. Mobility satisfies your tangible needs. Being capable of becoming physically rootless but wired into your electronic "home" in the Internet changes our basic constructs: adjacencies, accessibility, attachment to the grid, boundaries between work and home. All these liberating, fascinating and terrifying concepts are being challenged by our current mortgage crisis! If elected I'll put a motion to allow vans & RVs to park in empty parking lots, behind churches, community centres and back alleys.

Ask Leon!

Saturday, October 11, 2008

The cure for anything is salt water

My friend used to say, "Leon, it takes one like you to degentrify an entire neighbourhood." He wasn't completely wrong. Just ask anyone in Yorkville or Kits.

Before you jump into the fray with more street-smart bravado about Victoria's tents-in-parks judge ruling precedent, I'd like you to reflect on how there's more dignity to living aboard than to be in a tent or a room. Liveaboards practice a cooperative, sustainable lifestyle. I guess that's why they had to go! (Watersquatters, Thinking and Living Outisde the Box is available at DEVOUT BOOKS).

Ask Leon!
waterworld at youtube

Thursday, October 9, 2008

BC's new currency: iTap

This is my suggestion for investors: instead of buying gold, pile up Vancouver bottled tap water, more exactly "iTap" -- available at DEVOUT, 6 E. Cordova. We're currently selling them as campaign contributions for $10 each (hey, I predict this WILL be the price of bottled water in 2015).

PS -- DTES residents, mostly, do not consume bottled water, they can't afford it. However, they supplement their income recycling PET bottles.

Ask Leon!

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Because we need more horny Jewish males pulling the strings!

Please read my platform and if you support my goals send us money to help with the campaign!
My motto is: Be afraid, be very afraid. We're afraid of the upcoming civilization economic/ecological collapse! We're afraid of each other; we're afraid of our sexuality; we're afraid of being afraid! I urgently advocate people to bring up their clown chakra. Let's take ourselves less seriously?

Ask Leon!

Friday, September 26, 2008

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Buy my shitpile!

The biggest robbery in the history of this country is taking place as you read this. Though no guns are being used, 300 million hostages are being taken. Make no mistake about it: After stealing a half trillion dollars to line the pockets of their war-profiteering backers for the past five years, after lining the pockets of their fellow oilmen to the tune of over a hundred billion dollars in just the last two years, Bush and his cronies -- who must soon vacate the White House -- are looting the U.S. Treasury of every dollar they can grab. They are swiping as much of the silverware as they can on their way out the door.

Michael Moore

Monday, September 22, 2008

The belly of the mayor

Repent sinner!

Joe Eszterhas, who wrote “Basic Instinct” and “Showgirls,” is a new man, born again of the Holy Spirit. He gives his testimony at Newsweek’s On Faith religion site:

"Why did God save the life of a man who had trashed, lampooned, and marginalized Him most of his life? Why did He take the time and the trouble to save me? It certainly wasn’t because I had written Basic Instinct and Showgirls, right? Was it because my wife and I had four little boys we were trying to raise? Possibly. Or was it God’s divinely impish sense of humor? Well . . . and then all of the things God said would happen . . . did. My life has turned inside-out. I have stopped my excesses and replaced them with prayer and long walks. I am carrying the cross as often as they’ll let me at Holy Angels Church in Bainbridge Township, Ohio."

Ask Leon!

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

California got it

Was Tchaikovsky poisoned?

Tchaikovsky was one of the first postmodern composers. His infamous "1812 Overture" pasted sound collages, cannon explosions...

Tchaikovsky died in St. Petersburg on November 6, 1893, nine days after the premiere of his Sixth Symphony, the Pathétique. His death has traditionally been attributed to cholera, contracted through drinking contaminated water several days earlier. However, some have theorized that his death was a suicide because he was outed. Homosexuality was no longer a stigma in Tsarist Russia, but was accepted at the highest levels of public life. At worst, Tchaikovsky might have gone into exile, like Oscar Wilde. The question remains by musicologists and researchers...